911

It was our fond name

Of the Make of the 100 capacity

Metal coffin transport

That carried us to school

Many perched on its unhinged metal doors

Rickety. Rusty. Smelly. Molue

Most of the body barely there

It was the code name

For classmates in secondary

The ones that came after everybody

And left before any of us do

An hour after teachings begins, out at lunch time

Dusty. Rustic. Uniforms different

Students, they barely were

Then, the 9th month as the 2 towers stood

Missing flights diverted of their purpose

Terror created screams in balls of flame

Lives engulfed by hate and passion

One then the other. Down. Bodies fell

Metal. Glass. concrete. Planes.

On the 11th day. Towers no more here

-Written in 2014

COMFORTING THOUGHTS


I jump off the plane

Feel the rush of air on my face at thousands of feet above ground.

Finally visited my father in the home I had rejected

I got that dress made. it came out lovely.

I read the scriptures again...and saw the true message I had missed

Wrestle with a tiger

Write a 500 page book

Champion a cause for millions. Raise millions

In weeks, instead of a year

It’s a lovely view from Mount Everest.

I am fulfilling a bucketful list

Made at the insistence of a finality

Diagnosed without options.

Perhaps when divested of the fear of an end

Woken from the living nightmare of mortality

When the day is no longer distant but sure

And transition is only weeks, days away

When the finality is accepted

When death becomes mate

Perhaps then, we can rise

Above that tugging survival instinct

Above that hopeless drive to tug the rope of existence

And then truly live

In Nature's will

Perhaps…

Or it’s just the comforting thoughts

 Of a dying woman.

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The thing about love is, you never ask for it...

It comes when it pleases and goes when it wishes. It respects nothing and no one. It stays even when you don't want it to. It goes even if you try hard to make it stay. You don't control it but it controls you. Your thoughts, actions, plans, goals, desires, time, sleep and your health.

One wonders why such an emotion that is neither created nor destroyed can be so overwhelming. Can you be held responsible for how and who you fall in love with? Fall. The very word connotes accident. An unintentional happening. Totally out of your control.

And when you love someone, any one, its a beautiful feeling...that hurts.

The craving, longing, desire for the time, attention, care, smile, words and approval of the loved one that only seems to be sated when the loved one is present. Only for it to start over again. Worse than before.

The heart aches for the loved one. An ache that only they can soothe. But the soothing only increases the ache. You wish you don't feel that way and pray the feeling never goes away in the same breath. You wish it doesn't control you life so much but can not imagine life without it.

When you are in love with someone, you give them an advantage over others...to hurt you more. The things they did that never mattered or hurt you before, now do. You give them the greater opportunity to break your heart. You plan your life around them. Build for them an image of perfection. You see little or no flaws. The ones you see are easily overlooked. After all, what's a little flaw compared to them being with you? You desire them. Seek their all time attention. Their approval. Comments. Smile.

You put them under pressure to measure up.

You set them up to disappoint you.

The greatest battle anyone will ever fight is with the heart. With that pulling of the heart. That insatiable ache. And if you win, you lose.

.....(To be continued)